Yes, I know that it's nearly 2am. No, I am not asleep. What can I say? My sleeping pills enjoy watching me suffer. "Take me" they say, "you'll go to sleep like a normal human bean". Well I've taken the maximum amount and I'm still WIDE FUCKING AWAKE. Thanks for nothing, liars.
I have had a lot of time to think though. Hours and hours of time. I've been thinking about what would happen if Weiner Dogs ruled the world (it would be awesome), about how much I want french fries right now (a lot), about how many cooked spaghetti noodles tied together it would take to cross the Atlantic ocean (at least 12), and about life and death and what that means.
See, about a fortnight ago, a boy in my high school died of an accidental drug overdose. He had only just turned 16-years-old. He was perfectly broken too, but he didn't want to be. What he took to numb his pain, eventually made it all stop forever but at the ultimate price- his life. The aftermath of this tragedy is heartbreaking. There wasn't a person left uneffected. There isn't a person who'll go about their lives and look at it in the same way.
One incident stands out vividly in my mind. It was the block right after lunch. The teachers had all just been informed of what had happened at lunch time and now had the awful task of breaking it to the students. I was in social studies and my teacher walked in and told us to sit down because she had an announcement. Once we were all quiet she looked at us and said "As some of you may already know, one of our tenth grade students passed away this weekend." There was complete silence as everyone sat on the edge of their seat silently begging whomever "please don't let it be someone I know" and going through the list of people they care about trying to remember if they'd seen each person or talked to them lately. Once his name was said a single word came from the back of the class: "no". A girl, who we'll call H, looked furious. H kept saying no and begging our teacher to say she was joking, but that the joke wasn't funny and she needed to stop. H's cries are something I'll never be able to forget. "No. No. No! He's fine! No! I'm sorry but their has to be a mistake! He's okay. He has to be okay! Please say he's okay! You're just joking. Please say you're joking. It's not funny anymore please stop! No! Please say he's not gone. I love him." She broke down in awful sobs and was helped out of class but just kept repeating "I love him".
At this point, you're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. I promise it's not just to make you sad. It's because, watching H, I realized something: Nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. We all think we are. Every single one of us expects there will be a million tomorrows ahead of us. And for some there is. But for some there's only today. We never know who is who until it's too late. So, if you love someone, tell them now, before it's too late. This moment is the only thing we're promised. So use it to it's fullest and never let someone go without telling them what's in your heart.
