Monday, June 25, 2018

My epic battle against tuberculosis, prostate cancer, and a caffeine overdose.

        I have an important question for all of you out there in Internet land. Can somebody please tell me how much caffeine an average 105 pounds 17-year-old girl can ingest before being in danger of overdose? Pretty please?  Because nobody else is taking it seriously.
        I tried web M.D., and now I'm pretty sure I have to Tuberculosis and prostate cancer too.  Then I tried asking my male best friend, but he just got all yelly at me.  It was something along the lines of "what do you mean you've drank three pots of coffee in the last two hours?! Why were you left alone?! This should not be aloud! You're dumb!"  I tried telling him he should be nicer to me because for all we know I may be on my deathbed. Not only am I going to overdose on caffeine, but my tuberculosis or prostate cancer could strike at any minute. He didn't take that seriously either. He has terrible bed side  etiquette. Instead he just told me to text him when I stop trying to kill myself with caffeine. I calmly pointed out that I haven't slept in 36 hours so I'm not trying to kill myself with caffeine. If anything I'm doing the opposite. I'm trying to survive off caffeine. Then he got all yelly again and said "Why the HELL haven't you slept in 36 hours? GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!" So  I reminded him I HAVE A POTENTIALLY LETHAL DOSE OF CAFFEINE IN MY BLOOD so how the hell am I supposed to go to sleep now? His only response was "If you're texting, you're not sleeping" which roughly translates to "you have made a very good point and I'm not sure how to answer but I refuse to admit I lost." He is supremely unhelpful for a boy who just learned his best friend is going to die of tuberculosis, prostate cancer, and caffeine poisoning.
         But, yeah. Anybody more helpful than my male best friend, you're advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!!!!! I hope I don't die. In case I do, I love you all <3 and wish me luck on the next great adventure :)

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